How to Set Realistic Goals for Parenting: Practical Tips

LearLet’s talk about how to set realistic goals for parenting! Setting goals as a parent can sometimes feel daunting. But it doesn’t have to be. Instead of shooting for grand, sweeping changes, focus on thinking small and being realistic. In parenting, bigger isn’t always better. We all want the best for our children, but meaningful progress takes time. Often, it’s the small, consistent steps that lead to significant improvements over time.

First, What Even Is a Realistic Goal for Parenting?

A realistic parenting goal is something many see as insignificant or too easy to achieve. It’s a trap and we fall into it often! We believe the five minutes here and there spent reading with our kids won’t actually make them love reading or better readers. Once upon a time, I said some of those words out loud, and here, now, I sit corrected. Eventually, I realized how high my expectations were for myself. There’s no denying it, I hold myself to an impossible standard most days. Most of us do. So, in realizing this, I had to also consider that maybe what I viewed as too easy or less effective was actually both, reasonable and realistic for what I wanted to achieve in a particular season. 

Two Questions to Ask Yourself When it Comes to Setting Realistic Goals for Your Parenting

So, the first question I have for you is, what do you want to achieve as a parent? The second question to ask, and probably the most important to answer is, who are you as a parent? When you define what kind of parent you are, you’ll find it easier to set more realistic goals for your parenting. You can’t possibly know what you need to achieve if you haven’t first assessed your values, your schedule, and your current state of health and well-being. You cannot give your kids what you don’t have, and it is okay to give them five minutes of reading before bed for a season. 

Goals for your parenting could be something small, like “I’ll spend 15 minutes each day playing with my child,” or something bigger, like “I’ll attend all my child’s soccer games.” The key is to choose goals that are realistic and help you be the best parent you’ve been created to be. 

If your goal runs you into the ground, it’s not a goal, it’s a grave…where your joy and relationships go to die.

Tips for Setting Realistic and Achievable Parenting Goals

1. Start Smaller: Choose goals that are manageable and achievable. My number one rule is to start small and simple. After I write the goal down, I draw a line through it, and think even smaller. If you’re anything like me, the initial goal you come up with will most likely be too big. If you’re looking for growth and some stretching, do this step in reverse, and think bigger. Remember, each goal has a completion date. Once you achieve it, then you can resize it.
2. Break It Down: If needed, divide your goal into smaller steps. If it’s a little more complicated to achieve, write down exactly how you believe you can achieve it. Even if it’s only 3 steps, write it down. This will give you clarity of the mind, and leave nothing uncertain. Which means, anxiety has to kick rocks. This step also makes it easier to manage and track your progress over time. Which leads us to my favorite step!
3. Track and Measure: I understand journaling takes time. I get it. But my not-so-great argument for that is to remind myself and others, everything takes time. I encourage you to write daily about this goal adventure you’re on. Even if you only write a sentence a day, you’re being intentional about making progress and ensuring you show yourself the evidence that you can set realistic goals for your parenting, and achieve them! Don’t forget to celebrate every once in a while.
4. Be Flexible: Parenting is dynamic. It’s a whole lot of sitting down, only to immediately have to get back up. It’s non-negotiable and it’s 24//7. Goodness, I get it. What I’d say is, adjust your goals as needed to stay aligned with your parenting values and the consider the season you’re currently in.

Don’t focus on what everyone else is doing, focus on what you’re doing. God is with you, just look up and not all around. 

Examples of Realistic Goals for Parents

• I’ll take 10 minutes each day to talk and listen to my child. Making time for daily conversations helps build a strong, open relationship with your child. Get on Pinterest, look up fun questions to ask my child, and then get after it. Set a timer on your phone so you hold to the boundary you’ve set for those 10 minutes. This is simple and so much fun for our family. 
• I’ll read to my child every night before bed. Establishing a bedtime reading routine promotes literacy and creates a calming end to the day. Total. Game-changer. 
• I’ll provide positive reinforcement when my child displays good behavior. Recognizing and encouraging good behavior fosters a positive and supportive environment.
• I’ll spend 15 minutes each day playing with my child. Engaging in playtime strengthens your relational connection and supports your child’s development.
• I’ll attend all of my child’s soccer games. This one is a common stressor for parents. Our jobs can cripple our family life if we’re not careful. I want to encourage you to pray about your job and ask God to make a way for you to be be all-in on your family. Family is most important, and you’re currently raising the future of society. Showing up for your child’s activities demonstrates your support and interest in their passions. 
• I’ll set a good example by being respectful and kind to others. Modeling respectful behavior teaches your child important social skills and values.
• I’ll stay informed about my child’s schoolwork and activities. Being involved in your child’s education shows that you value their efforts and achievements.
• Every Wednesday after school, I’m going to take my child for a walk or to grab some ice cream. It’s all about connection. Consistent connection helps maintain a strong and trusting relationship with our children and to do this, we must spend quality time with them.

Setting realistic and achievable goals can strengthen your relationship with your child and create positive experiences for both of you.

Do the best you can and trust God with the rest.

How to Set Realistic Goals With Your Kids

Setting goals with your child can be a great way to keep them motivated and teach them important life skills. Start by discussing your child’s interests and goals. Ask open-ended questions to understand what they want to achieve and how you can support them. Together, create a plan outlining the steps needed to reach their goal and how to measure progress. Encourage them along the way and celebrate their successes. By setting goals with your child, you help them develop essential skills for future success.

For more tips on family connection and bonding, check out this related article on How to Write a Family Mission Statement.

Final Thoughts on Setting Realistic Goals for Parenting

Learning how to set realistic goals for parenting is a powerful way to improve as a parent and deepen your relationship with your child. By setting realistic and achievable goals, you can create positive experiences and foster a stronger connection. Remember to start small, break down your goals into manageable steps, track your progress, and remain flexible. Consider setting goals with your child to help them stay motivated and learn valuable life skills. With a bit of planning and effort, you can make your parenting goals a reality.

Reflect on your parenting goals today. What small, achievable steps can you take to strengthen your bond with your child? Visit the 5 Love Languages website to take the quiz and discover how understanding your love language can further enhance your relationships.

By following these strategies, you’ll be on your way to becoming a more effective and nurturing parent. Remember, it’s the small, consistent efforts that truly make a difference. 

Happy Parenting!

Discover your primary love language with the 5 Love Languages quiz. Understanding how you express and receive love can improve your relationships. Visit www.5lovelanguages.com and take the quiz to uncover your love language and enhance your connections.